This is the page that you'd want to avoid if you don't want to hear the boring details of my life. But hey, if you have some time to kill and don't mind a whiner, then what harm will it do? :)

Some people will argue that I really don't have a life but that's not completely true. This is my super huge ego working in overdrive here, thinking someone would actually want to hear about my life so far. Well, maybe someone out there wants to read it. I was thinking of dividing it into sections, but I realized that it's not something that you can only read a part at a time. It's a whole.

I was born on April 29, 1981, around 7 in the evening. I was my mother's first child and she had no lamaze training so she got drugged and had me vacuumed out. No, they did not use a real vacuum, it was a suction.I always joke around that maybe that's why I turned out so strange. It's always been a thought of mine that my parents would be happier if I was born a male. Just a vibe I get from my parents now and then. And the inferiority complex begins. They took me home and I was a beloved child, since my parents were living in a building where there were no young children as of yet. That'll change. My parents were tight on money though and my mother wanted to return to work as soon as possible. She even carried me around when she was looking for a job. I was responsible for her getting a job after I was born. While she worked in the warehouse outlet, I was left in the care of a woman who didn't really care for me at all. After my father went to pick me up and discovered that I had aquired a huge bruise on my face, he never let me be left there again and sent for my cousin.

My cousin took care of me for about 4 years. She was like a mother to me. She taught me how to read and was the only one I could play with. Even though there were times where I was mad at her, I will always be grateful to her. Thanks Mbok Ade :)

Ok, school. Let's see. Since I was isolated for most of my younger years, I came into school not knowing how to speak English. It was very hard. I don't think they had ESL class for kindegarden so they put me in a regular class. I learned fast and got transferred into a regular class for first grade. Let's fast foward. My elementarty school sucked for me. I didn't have many friends and either picked on or ignored. The kids in my school had some thing against people who were Hindu so I didn't really announce it and let people assume whatever they wanted about my religion. I grew to hate a lot of people my age, for a few exceptions. One being my best friend Anny who is still my friend to this day.

Junior high was about the same thing, except a lot more fights in the cafeteria and now people teasing me about my clothes. Hung out with a couple of people but most of them just felt sorry for me. The ones that didn't feel sorry for me were the ones that used me. Some friends, huh? I went to high school hoping it would be better.

Some people happily reminince of their high school days and long to return to them. I am not one of them. I ended up going to William Cullen Bryant High School. It was a school that was closeby with no real reputation. Nothing really bad, but nothing good either. I was in mostly honors classes so I saw the same kids over and over again. I was in the Math Research Program and actually had fun there. However, there was a lot lacking in my life. I still didn't have many friends, still didn't really fit in. I was fat, ugly and felt like a loser. My parents weren't too happy with me, other people didn't accept me. I was the 'weird one' of my family. I started to become a little suicidal and went to sleep hoping I wouldn't wake up. I started fantasizing about my death. However, that started to change.

One thing happened during my high school years that changed my life. One was Sailor Moon. Ok, I am not crazy, I'm serious. When I first saw the show, (it was the Masquerade ball episode from the first series), I was totally taken with it. It was a way to temporarily escape reality I guess. It was my reason to wake up in the morning. I saw the main character, who was clumsy and a bit dumb, still could have a lot of friends and be a good person and be happy. I wanted to be happier. Plus the show was so cute! I couldn't resist faling in love with it.I became a little obsessed with Sailor Moon but watching the show and having things that reminded me of it made me happier.

I hated the lunchroom so I spent my breaks between class doing service in the library. I was there for over 3 years and grew to be a quite competent library assistant. I did everything from processing books to working with the computers and the microfiche machines. The friends I made were mostly from the library. Had some nice times there. Had some bad times there too, like when three guys from the school football team tackled me down when I refused to let them leave before the bell rang. However, working there gave me a sense of purpose and gave me a sort of mini family in school. It was my sanctuary.

I wasn't like normal high school students. I didn't go out with my friends. I went straight home after school to take care of my little sister and the house. I had never been on a date until I went to college. I never went to my senior prom. I was very anti school spirit. I didn't experience my first real crush until my junior year.

His name is Henry and I don't know if he ever knew I had a crush on him. He is a Pueto Rican and he had the nicest eyes. He was very smart and into computers and engineering. He also could draw very well. Artistic talent and a love for computers is always a plus for me. He was also an optimist and you could hardly ever find him unhappy. He was very into his religion but he didn't try to make you convert or put you down because your religion was different like some people I knew. I used to wait for him after school so we could walk together. I never felt like I had a chance with him though. I felt so ugly and had hardly any self-esteem.

Senior year was coming to an end and my father lost his job. College is not cheap. A lot of people in my school were going to CUNYs (City University of New York) but my parents wanted better for me so they "influenced" me to go to Binghamton University. I was very scared, I've never been away from home before really only knew one person from my school who was going there. We ended up being roommates for our first year. We chose to live on Chem-Free. The adventure begins.

I came to the school and was shocked to find out my roommate hasn't arrived yet. I was really freaked out. I didn't know anyone. My sis told me to make friends with the people across the hall. So I introduced myself. And that's how I met Danita. She wanted to go get food with me and since my roommate hadn't shown up yet, I said it was cool. She never really left after that :) We became fast friends and she became closer to me than anyone (besides my sis) was before. We did stupid thigs and hung out so much, people thought we were lesbians. She was always in my room and we were almost like sisters. Then a boy came between us.

We were both single and boy-crazy, what can I say? Even while I am typing this, I wonder if this is too personal let out. Well, I guess I am ready to let it out if I am putting it here. During my first year, Danita and I were doing laundry in the sub-basement around noon on a Sunday. We were waiting for someone to finish using the dryer and a guy came in wearing pajamas. Note, this was a Sunday afternoon. We thought it was very funny. I ended up developing quite a crush on the guy, even though he ended up breaking the dryer I wanted to use. Danita used to tease me about having a crush on him, imitating the way he runs, teasing me about him being in the dining hall. Little things like that. I wanted to talk to him but he was always hanging out with someone, and he always seemed to have someone around. (Sorry Phil) I finally found him alone in the pseudopod and brought him up to my room to show him a drawing I asked him about before, where he met Danita. They started going out a couple of days afterwards. I was heartbroken but I didn't want to lose my friend so I kept quiet. But it seemed as if I was losing her too. I saw less and less of her and grew to resent him a little at first. Then we all became friends. I respected him and thought of him as almost a second father. however, that pain of him going with my best friend was still there. It got less after I met his friend, Phil.

Phil and I had a weird relationship. If you saw us together, you would've probably thought we were going out. However, we weren't really going out until a couple of months ago and it didn't last long. We were in that weird relationship for over a year. I was very attracted to him. He was very endearing to me and I cared about him a lot. However, I was very insecure about his feelings towards me. I always felt like he really wasn't attracted to me. That he was only with me because I wanted to be with him. A feeling that I took with me into our real relationship. I feeling that helped destroy our relationship. I was very insecure about him and about myself. I never really felt pretty or attractive, so when two guys asked me out my first year at school, I said yes. Two of the biggest mistakes of my life, if you ask me :)I've made others in my life. One big one is letting relations between me and Danita deteriorate last semester. However, it was a good thing that we've patched things up this summer.

Oops, went off on another tangent. Sorry! Where was I? Oh yeah, Phil. My first boyfriend. Me and Danita got into a big fight over something that happened that was a big mistake and I wish it never happened, and I was staying over at Phil's apartment in Hillside for over a week. While I was there, I wanted him to make a decision on whether he wanted to go out officially with me. I was tired of feeling like I'm only good as an unofficial thing. And he said he wanted to try, so that was that. However, I kept getting the feeilng that he cared for another girl while I was going out with him. It didn't make me feel very good. I didn't know if that was true or it was all in my head but we broke up two weeks after our first month anniversary.

It was devastating. I wanted to be with him again but I knew that it was a bad idea. I had friends help me out through it, but it still hurt to see him. And I saw a lot of him because we hung out with the same people. I had friends like Trevor, Narelle, Eugenia, Claire, ect. to help me out through it though, so it wasn't that bad. And what do you know, I met a gay slut who turned out to be my next boyfriend a couple of weeks later. You read that:Kyle Lippincott is a gay slut!! Hehe, sorry. I'm just kidding. Hey, he told me it was ok to write that :) I was visiting a friend of mine, Travis, who lived on Chem-Free and I ran into him instead. Just my luck, huh?I got out of Business Law early and he was going to Burger King and everyone knows how the burgers in school suck, so of course, I begged him for a ride. I ended up falling for the gay slut after we came back from Burger King and Walmart. Yes, I went to the evil Walmart, so sue me :) We ended up going out in a few days time. We also ended up lasting for a few days time. We broke up two weeks after our first month anniversary. Hey! I see a trend here.

Summer came and went and I went back to school. Resumed a close friendship with Danita that inevitably didn't last long. To make a long story short, I became friends with Aaron after I found out that Danita had problems with me again. That was when I decided that maybe I should just let things go and not have a friendship with her after all. It wasn't worth the trouble. Through that first semester, I've had some good times and some bad times but I think what stood out the most about that semester was being friends with Gowoon, my new roommate and meeting Pete. I had my apprehensions about living with Gowoon but ended up thanking God that I had her as a roommate in the first place. She is just awesome there is no other word to describe it and I am thankful for us living together. Pete was also someone who has made an impression on me. We became very close friends in the first semester and I was practically living in his room. I loved him very much and I still do, but I don't know if it was as strong as it used to be. I also became close friends with John and Cindy and we became closer after I got DDR(Dance Dance Revolution)and we were all playing together. I don't need to go into my obsession with that game. If any of you know what that game is like, it doesn't need to be said ^_^ In the second semester, I met my third boyfriend. Aaron Perlstein. Another freshman, and Claire's friend. He was a little weird and a little crazy but I liked it. He seemed to be a generally happy individual with similar interests. And he was cute. But then again, so was Kyle. I guess I gave looks more of a consideration than I used to after dating Phil. However, I found out Aaron was not what I thought him to be and we didn't last. He ended up breaking up with me two days after our first month anniversary. It was a funny time, especially since a friend of mine was trying to take me away from Aaron around that time, but I guess it was for the best. After Aaron and I broke up, I became friends with him ex-girlfriend Liz, who also turned out to be a pretty cool person who I am happy to have met. There were plently of ups and downs in the year but I think the biggest down was probably what happened to me at the end of the second semester. A friend of mine totally betrayed my trust in the worst possible way..That is the best way to describe it without actually coming out and saying it..It still is a very sensitive subject to me and I am not ready to put it in public yet. Part of my innocence was taken from me, and it will take a while to recover from that.

The summer of 2002 was a hard time for me. I was going through a massive depression and I thought I was in love. Only now, when I truly am in love, do I realize how it really was over the summer. I think I came through the summer strengthening my friendship with Cindy a little. I am on good terms with Danita now. We are not close friends but maybe that is for the best. I am getting over what happened over last semester..I don't know if the part that was ripped away from me will ever heal but the person who caused the damage has sunken into the dark portals of my mind, hopefully never to resurface. I am in love with a wonderful man. He has been there for me through the hardest time I ever had to deal with, back at home when all my parents did was fight and there never seemed to be a peaceful moment. He created a sense of peace around me when there was only chaos and I am grateful for that. His name is Gerardo Rios, and I love him very very much. I usually don't write about my boyfriends in here until the relationship has ended but this one is special. Well, that's all for now..This thing is getting too long anyways :P