Multi-Angled Telekenetic Telemetric Humanoid Electrostatic Walloper

The MATTHEW system offers many advantages over the competition. MATTHEW requires a minimum investment for a maximum result. Weighing a scant 210 Lbs, MATTHEW can be conveniently rolled up and stored in the back of your car. When the time comes to leave the car unattended, MATTHEW takes it's own initiative to stand by your car, offering 360 degrees of protection. Even the meter maid may be intimidated by this one. MATTHEW's advaced design implements the latest in laser technology which can only be found on the most advanced military class warships. One ten second exposure to the patented "evil eye" and you will be sorry you had ever heard of the MATTHEW. As long as you keep MATTHEW well fed, it will keep those hoodlums from touching your stereo. If you fail to feed MATTHEW, be ware that he might decide to sell your car for a cheap import. In the event that MATTHEW sells your car, please go to: http://www.mattsoldmycarforacheapimportpos.com to learn how to get your ride back. If you have any suggestions or complaints please send them to: Damn that's a big fat ass, 16 By the way, Ithaca, NY 14851

Note The MATTHEW security system is not compatable with the following cars: Ferrari all models, Honda/Acura all models, Mazda Rx7, Mazda Miata, Porsche all models, Volkswagon all models. Please call to confirm compatability. Most good American cars, Chevy, Dodge, Ford, etc. will be compatable.